Can you keep a secret?

You would think after trying for TWO years to do something, when it finally happened you would feel excited and joyful, not scared and freaked out. I guess it's one of those things you'll never know until it actually happens.

My freak out moment occurred shortly after I took a pregnancy test. This had become so routine to me, each month I go through 2 or 3 test with hope and anticipation that we'd get a positive result.

This time it was Thursday, December 8 and 4 days before my missed period. I sprung for the digital tests this time which are great, no second guessing if you see a line or not, but you HAVE to wait the full three minutes. Not until every last second passes will the "pregnant" or "not pregnant" finally pop up.

I was home alone, Husband C was on his way home from work as I stood in the bathroom anxiously waiting for my results. I did some self-talk to reassure myself that even if it said I wasn't, I still could be, after all, it was very early to be taking the test. Only 52% accuracy this far out, good thing these are 3 to a box.

And just like that, I let out a scream when "pregnant" appeared. I then looked in the mirror at myself as to say, "Is this real?" and then immediately teared up. I looked back at the test and there in plain view, "Pregnant." I cried tears of joy and that feeling of excitement and relief quickly turned into shock and fear. I kept thinking, "OMG, what now!?"

My next move was to find my cell phone and text Husband C a photo of the test, but thought better of it and waited to tell him in person. I did do a quick photo shoot of the test. I felt the needed to capture this monumental moment that has been two years in the making. Two long years of emotional ups and downs, testing, procedures, a surgery, fertility medicine, side effects, acupuncture, vitamin treatments (I love you B6!) and endless hours poring over research and results.

Next came the fun part of telling the hubby. Waiting until we were both home that evening was not an option and I didn't want to tell him over the phone. I decided to go into work late so I could surprise him when he got home. He came in the door and I said, "Hey, can you keep a secret? We're pregnant!"

He had the funniest look on his face. It was a mix of disbelief, happiness and confusion that all came out in a smirk. He said, "Naah, really?" I showed him the pregnancy test and he then said, "I think I'm going to throw up," and we laughed about how our second reaction after hearing the news was complete fear.

I took some more tests over the next couple days (just to make sure!) and our secret didn't stay a secret too long. We decided to tell a few people who have been our support system through the infertility woes. It's super early, but we are too excited to not share the good news. It has been a blast breaking the news. From tears and screaming to burned gravy, the reactions have been priceless.